We are back with a win: Spurs 2 West Ham United 0

We are back with a win: Spurs 2 West Ham United 0

The first half I thought was weak, and probably drove many to sleep, but the second half came alive. Now we move on to Sheffield United, another must-win game.

After a disappointing draw against Man United, we picked up our first victory in eight games to leave the Spammers with a battle to stay in the Premier League. Let us dwell on them for a moment… what separates them from the bottom three is goal difference, and they've played one extra game. So I can see them dropping down a notch or three. Fingers crossed!

But the day didn't start with me propped up in my computer room waiting for the match to start… oh, no! I do have a life – granted, not much under lock-down bunker mentality rules – but of sorts, yes, I do have a life. And tomorrow (Thursday) is social gathering day for me… yes, a trip to Sainsbury's. God! I don't know how I will manage with all that excitement in one bite. Sainsbury’s, ah, who would have thought that the highlight of the week (apart from watching the cockerel chorus) was a trip out to do ones shopping. If I would have said that a year ago they would have locked me up… in fact, I am looking over my shoulder at this very moment… oh… I see a white van with men in white coats getting out… Oh, shit… they are coming for me…  No, I am ok, at least for the time being… I think that was a portent.

So, my day started when I woke up… always a good start… it tells one that they are still alive. Of course, not waking up… well, the shock could kill you. So, woke up, I did. But with a splitting headache. Then the usual routine of watching breakfast TV, reading, cycling, reading, taking the dog for a walk, cycling again, reading and into my computer room to do a bit of work. I bet you lot are envious? It was either that or suicide!

Still with my headache, I got something to eat, had a kip and then prepared myself for the game… actually used my second free voucher from Spurs to be able to watch the game on NowTV.

The United game we had artificial crowd noise, and it made a difference, this time around only the eerie sound of an empty stadium, and just a few people at the ground making grunting noises. Anyway, to the match…

Our West Ham hero of the night was their Czech midfielder Tomas Soucek who converted into his own net following Giovani lo Celso's corner and then later our boy Harry broke clear to shoot in his 18th goal of the season. Eruption broke out in the homes of Tottenham fans around the world, while mild noises could be heard in the stadium itself, as the goals went in.

Seven games now remain and still all to play for. But the Spammers defeat leaves the Bubble blowers struggling to blow their bubbles. They are just, and only just, managing to put their heads above Bournemouth, Aston Villa and Norwich. But the three strugglers have a game in hand over the cardboard cutouts. David Mayes is used to shit dealings… after all, he went to United and was thrown out on his arse in no time quick. But that isn't our concern, so to what matters, the Mourinho revolution.

We punished the impotent Spammers, who did very little other than trying to park their bus on our pitch. Their Jarrod Bowen did manage to strike the post, and on other occasions, their players tried limp-wristed to get near our goalmouth. But it wasn't to be!

Jose Mourinho will be tickled pink with our victory as it takes us six points off a Champions League place.

But the biggest news of the night was that Kane is back after six months out. But let us not get too complacent as it was only the bubble-blowing spammers we defeated, not a decent team.

This was Mourinho's 300th victory in English football, and some would say, in his classic style. Nevertheless, he will have been delighted as we have now picked up four points from two home games against the United twins. Hopefully, we can build on those two games and edge even closer to that pot of gold in the Champions European league in the sky.

It was a solid game, and Mourinho will have taken an absolute pleasure in Kane's excellently taken second goal, after the boss man had to answer suggestions from former Arsenal midfielder Paul Merson that the striker would not flourish under him. Paul Merson is a former former, and we certainly don't need any lessons from formers’, more so when they come from the blank blowing ex-gunner impotent flaccid penises club.

It will still be an uphill struggle to reach the top four, granted, but Mourinho will maintain belief (as we do) and it is still within our reach. Nothing is impossible until the fat lady has dived off a cliff yodelling "Don't cry for me Argentina" as she heads towards her death.

Where does Tottenham's energy flow next?

Well, we travel to Sheffield United on 2 July (kick-off 18:00 BST), while Spammers host Chelsea on 1 July (20:15). However, in this instance, I do hope that the Bubble-straining-Ironmongers get a result from the Rent boys.

"Blowing bubbles," don't make me laugh, they would strain to blow the skin off a rice pudding.

Let us now go to the stats… another laugh and nail in bubbling blowing Spammers coffin.

We won our first Premier League home game since 2 February v Manchester City

West Ham have lost seven consecutive away games in the Premier League for the first time since December 2006. Methinks they are going down.

The Cockerel lads have completed the league double over West Ham for the first time since 2012-13

Jose Mourinho has never lost against David Moyes in their 14 meetings (W9 D5) in all competitions - this is Mourinho's best record against any manager

West Ham's Mark Noble has received 11 yellow cards against Spurs in the Premier League; the most by a player for a team against a specific opponent in the competition

Harry Kane's strike was his 30th goal in Premier League London derbies (48 appearances), meaning only Teddy Sheringham (32), Frank Lampard (32) and Thierry Henry (43) have netted more often in such matches in the competition's history

Kane has now scored 137 goals in 200 appearances for Spurs in the Premier League - the only player in the competition's history to have scored more after 200 games for a club is Sergio Aguero (138).

Do you feel we are on the up or is it too early to say?

COYS!